Half-Painted House II
by Evil Pixie
Summary: An innocent home movie goes horribly (Duo's acting) wrong and chaos ensues


Author: Evil Pixie  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Tabasco sauce; otherwise we'd all be watching dubs in the Queen's English and burning our throats. It's a shame isn't it?  
  
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Rating: PG  
  
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Warnings: The word "shit" is in there, some people might object to WuFei, Duo and Quatre playing in a bed, Quatre lovers may dislike Wu & Du kicking him for fun.  
  
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Pairing: Vague shounen-ai but no real pairings, just humour.  
  
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Author's Note: This is an exaggeration of reality with my favourite boys taking the parts of Jess, Gabe, Kayne and Ruth. Sadly our house is no longer half-painted and is, for the majority, yellow -_-. It was once dark pink, cream, yellow and white so I count my blessings.  
  
This may be the first in what could be a series of Gundam Home Movies, but most home movies are quite similar… Most movies are quite similar come to think.  
  
I'd like to see if I've got any better over the last few months so I'm rewriting a lot, I'm keeping the original version for a day to compare.  
  
Please be honest in your review!  
  
.^^  
  
''~Pixie&Co  
  
.uu  
  
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Title: The Half-Painted House II  
  
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It is a sparkling day outside, the sunrays are glistening across the bay and children are running across the shingle beach in the cove. The air is filled with happy laughter and soaring kites as the day is enjoyed. Sadly, not everyone is enjoying themselves, oh no, Duo, Quatre, Trowa and WuFei are indoors. Heero having gone to do the weekly shopping they are looking like lost little lambs. Duo's hair needs re-braiding, WuFei has no clean trousers and Quatre has taken the advantage and got high again.  
  
As for Trowa, he is spread-eagled across a sofa in a thoughtful silence, holding pen and paper in his hands. With great effort he levers himself upwards and walks to the other side of the room where the other ex-pilots sit grinning, pouting and giggling. For a while he says nothing. And then, with deliberation, he speaks,  
  
"We shall produce a story... A horror story, and it shall be the most terrifying story ever told!"  
  
The others look blank, Trowa sighs, "Duo, get the video camera."  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 1, Introduction of Story and Cast.  
  
Quatre: ::sound only:: This film was created, by a cast of four, on 17 November 2001.  
  
::cast in view::  
  
Quatre: I, Quatre Ruberba-Winner, shall play John  
  
Duo: I, Duo Maxwell, shall play Lucy  
  
WuFei: I, WuFei Chang, shall play Aunty  
  
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"Do we have any ice-cream??" yells a voice from the vicinity of the kitchen.  
  
WuFei rolls his eyes, "Shhhhh!"  
  
"Duo, dear! Please shut up, we're doing the… what are we doing?"  
  
"Hurry up Quatre, it's already filming."  
  
"Oh my! Well this is a-" Quatre laughs to a private joke, " 'home-movie' made by… some people on 17 November 2001. The wind is blowing a good 15 miles per hour. Have you stopped recording, Trowa?"  
  
"...No."  
  
The camera wobbles unsteadily, swaying from side to side as it moves around the living room which is a mix and match affair with no one style. The sofa is zebra-print, the television and MD player top of the range, the carpet very fluffy, the walls are half-white half-bare and there is incense hovering low in the air. One of Trowa's calming whale song tapes plays over the surround-sound speakers, anyone who has ever heard whale song will understand that… Well it's not calming for one.  
  
Quatre walks into range, rubs something out of his eye and stares lazily at the camera,  
  
"I am Quatre Ruberba-Winner and I will be playing John."  
  
Then he makes way for Duo, who leaps toward the camera with his hands in the air,  
  
"My name's DUO! And I'm the LITTLE GIRL!!"  
  
Trowa's polite cough comes from behind the camera, "What's her name?"  
  
"Oh YEAH! My name's LUCY!!"  
  
Sighing, WuFei pushes Duo out of the scene (an action followed by muffled shouts of indignation) and gives his part,  
  
"Hm, My name is WuFei Chang and I am John's aunt. He who lives upstairs-"  
  
"It's a she, WuFei."  
  
"No it's ::not:: . His name is… what's his name? Oh for- ::Aunty:: ."  
  
Chang walks away, leaving Quatre- who has been trying to talk politics with him for the last few minutes.  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 2, beginning with John and Lucy  
  
Narrator: 18 years ago, a wandering serial killer murdered a young man. To this day the bloodlust lingers, and he has three more victims planned.  
  
John: Lucy you are my best friend, I know everything about you  
  
Lucy: And you, John, mean the world to me  
  
John: But there is something I have not told you  
  
Lucy: What is that John?  
  
John: -  
  
Homicidal Maniac: MWAHAHAHA  
  
John&Lucy: Help!  
  
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"18 years ago, a young man was murdered by a wandering serial killer. To this day the bloodlust lingers, and-"  
  
The sound of the television being switched on stops Trowa in his tracks, he takes his hand from the camera lens and swivels the frame to the sofa where Duo and Quatre are sitting, watching adverts. Standing beside Trowa, and safely out of scene, WuFei hisses and at once they begin what they know of the script.  
  
"Lucy you are my- hey look a sock advert!"  
  
"Hey GREAT! Can you IMAGINE a life without SOCKS?"  
  
"That would be awful, your feet would get horribly soggy in the rain."  
  
"Not unless you had REALLY GOOD SHOES!"  
  
A choked sob of desperation is heard, "Can we get back to the plot please?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, Ok. WOW! I feel like I know EVERYTHING about you, JOHN!!"  
  
"Aren't socks great?"  
  
"YEAH! Life would be- I mean, is there something your not telling me?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"  
  
Trowa holds his hand over his face as he weeps silently, regaining his composure he says, quite shakily, "::But there is one thing that John keeps from Lucy, a secret that he needs to tell her. ::"  
  
Quatre leans towards Duo, who gives him a bemused look and turns to the camera, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"There's something I need to tell you Lucy…"  
  
There is a long pause where a monster should attack. Some blue-tits fly past the window.  
  
"Huh? Oh. AGHHHHH."  
  
WuFei lets out a low scream and starts throwing cuddly toys at the couple on the couch.  
  
"Shit!!" shouts Duo as a fluffy white llama narrowly misses his head, "It's the… erm, SERIAL KILLER!!"  
  
"There's an earthquake!" shouts Quatre swaying from side to side.  
  
Duo stops, letting a teddy bounces off his head, and looks at Quatre with a confused frown.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Arghhh" mumbles MrWinner, falling off the chair.  
  
Duo clasps a hand to his hand to face, "Oh NO! Quatre! Speak to me!"  
  
WuFei sighs and clears his throat, "EEK."  
  
"Oh NO!! That's your AUNTY!!"  
  
Trowa presses the record button to stop filming and watches Duo faint from fear whilst Quatre has a fit. He shakes his head grimly, "Get up Quatre, and help me get Duo upstairs."  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 3, Searching For Aunty Upstairs  
  
John: Aunty? Are you in here?  
  
Homicidal Maniac: Your Aunty isn't here!  
  
Lucy: Oh no! John! Help me!  
  
John: *valiant* Come with me, we'll find Aunty  
  
::Both Exit::  
  
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The blind is down on the window to the stark white room but the window is open making it sway in the breeze. As the opaque fabric billows in the wind, light enters the dark room and creates eerie shadows on the wall.  
  
The scene is set with one of the actors is still unconscious. There is much confusion but after many frantic whispers and rude hand gestures from WuFei Quatre starts to look around puzzled, which might be acting.  
  
"Aunty? Are you here? Where are you aunty?!"  
  
There is no reply, just a macabre voice from the direction of the door,  
  
"YoUr AuNtIe IsN't He-ErE."  
  
"Isn't she? Well I'm sure Lucy has something to say about that."  
  
Duo says nothing.  
  
"No Lucy, don't be scared. ::I'll:: save you!"  
  
Quatre walks slowly, winking at the camera and flashing a smile, he pulls Duo along by one arm.  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 3, Introducing Aunty  
  
John: Aunty? Are you Ok? We need to get you out of here!  
  
Homicidal Maniac: I have you now!  
  
Aunty+Lucy: Oh no! We have to fight!  
  
John: I'll protect you!  
  
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The camera switches on as Quatre does an imitate Baywatch run up the stairs; hampered by the weight of his friend (all those high sugar cookies people keep writing about I expect) it's a slow motion stumble. Trowa (having lost all sense of reality) thinks it'll make good dramatic viewing. The boys are chased up two flights of stairs and end up in the attic (WuFei's rather bland room, lots of pictures with things like ::WuFei and Nataku, West Beach April 8th 204:: written on the back). By the time they get there WuFei is in bed (a mattress on the floor) feigning sleep badly.  
  
"Aunty? Are you Ok? You're not dead are you?" Asks Winner  
  
"Oh hello dearie, have a bis- Eek. It's a serial killer."  
  
"Where?!"  
  
Trowa clears his throat, "Where do you think?"  
  
"AgggghhHHH."  
  
"AgggghhHHH!!"  
  
"Wuh? What's going on, what is this, why are you screaming? OH MY GOD!!!!! EEEEEEP!!!!! … Why am I screaming again?"  
  
According to some primeval instinct they all clamber into the bed and hide underneath the covers, Duo and WuFei at one end and Quatre at the other.  
  
"Hah. Take this, nephew," says WuFei, kicking the blond boy  
  
"Owww!! Don't do that!"  
  
"What the?! Wait a minute, kicking Quatre is really fun, take this!"  
  
"Hey! What did I do?!"  
  
Trowa keeps the camera rolling as they beat the Deathscythe HELL out of Quatre, oblivious to any homicidal maniacs present. He's not one to appreciate the pain of others but he's had enough, directing's a tough job.  
  
He rolls his eyes, "Can you people not do ANYTHING?"  
  
Quatre drowns him out by screaming insults a boy of breeding should not know.  
  
Trowa looks hurt, then vengeful, "Relena's at the door!"  
  
All actions cease as their faces turn to masks of absolute horror.  
  
WuFei gathers some of his composure, "It's Ok, we can get out through this window." He reaches up and pulls down the wide roof window, with a click it slides into place.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"YEAH!!"  
  
Trowa pokes his head out from behind the camera, "No you fools I was lying, now… Rarrgh! Or… Something"  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 4, The Escape  
  
John: Right mister, you leave them alone!  
  
Homicidal Maniac: MWAHAHA  
  
Aunty+Lucy: ::run away::  
  
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They all run down the stairs in blind panic, screaming like banshees and trying not to laugh as they say stuff like "He's going to eat me alive!" as they turn for another flight Duo points out that they can hide in the bathroom. They all cram in, leaving Trowa outside.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
Duo opens the door a little, "NO, how STUPID do you think I am?!"  
  
"But I need to film you."  
  
"Oh YEAH, sorry."  
  
In shot WuFei is picking at his nails, Quatre is complaining about the smell and, just inside frame, Duo is turning on the taps. "The taps have turned on by themselves! WAGGHH!!" he screams.  
  
Berserk, they clamber into the bathtub where Duo turns on the showerhead,  
  
"The shower's turned on by itself! WAGGHH!!"  
  
Screaming once more (and swearing at Duo for soaking them), the guys push past their assailant (who pauses to turn the taps off) and run down the stairs to the living room. Quatre spins out of control and slides in a full circle before landing, bedraggled, at the foot of them.  
  
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Half-Painted House II, Script (~T. Barton)  
  
Scene 5, The Death  
  
John: ::dying:: Lucy  
  
Lucy: You- you saved me John  
  
John: I never told you Lucy, I …love you ::dies::  
  
Lucy: ::cries for a long time::  
  
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Inside the living room Quatre has been killed for the final scene (the bruises from Scene 4 help), WuFei and Duo are squabbling over him.  
  
"I loved him much more then you!"  
  
"No. I loved him."  
  
"But you're his aunt!!"  
  
"... I loved him much more than you?"  
  
Quatre lies on the floor, his neck covered in Tabasco, giggling to himself, "I'm dead! Wow!"  
  
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::Whales sing solemnly as slow motion scenes of the John, Lucy and Aunty enjoying themselves appear on the screen. It's kind of spoiled by the fact that they turn to the camera and usher it to be turned off with mouthed versions of 'Heero's home!!' and a rather hasty ending::  
  
THE END  
  
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Heero comes into the living room to see his flatmates on the sofa. He gives himself a proud smile and goes to clean WuFei's trousers. 


End file.
